1: Jesus was a pretty cool dude. You could swear a bit around him because he didn't mind the whole "God", "Jesus", "Christ" thing.
2: The "F" word was right out. Something about virginity.
3: Hence, verily, "F..king Jesus Christ All F..king Mighty" was kept out of ear reach.
4: He was a good surfer.
1: Sorry that chapter one was so short - I witnessed a miracle.
2: Jesus performed the pot thing (in this case "turning buffalo grass into hooch").
3: And went surfing, yeah verily.
4: There were good left-handers at Galilea and the Lord needed no board.
5: He simply walked out and Birkenstocked it in (goofy-sandalled).
6: I couldn't resist the swell, dude.
7: And I went surfing, yeah verily.
1: So we did surf.
2: I did not cut-in on The Son of Man because I think there's something in the other book about it.
3: We rode it to the beach, though The Lord birkenstocked it up the reef better than my board.
4: I got a ding.
5: I returned to my towel to have a go at the trumpet I had made from the Holy Hooch.
6: Jesus was disinterested and went over to the point where he made little things into big things.
7: Big things some times, quirkingly, he shrunk significantly.
8: He mumbled something like "Stop making reefers out of the Gideon's".
9: I found this uncharacteristic.
1: I got pretty wasted and Jesus worked on that fish roll trick.
2: No seaweed in sight.
3: Blessed are the fish fingers.
1: We went on this boat one day and it was really, like, pumping.
2: Jesus shut it down but we got heaps of fish.
3: Some weird apostle thought the nets would break but they held up.
4. We considered going to the local casino but Jesus caused quite a stir last time.
5. Blessed are the brim.
1: It became obvious that we were treading on the righteous toes of the local fish and chip shops.
2: Yeah verily, it got a bit heavy.
3: We had a grouse nosh up - some dude even painted us.
4: Then these nasties took him away and nailed him up!
5: He used that resurrection thing, though, and we never saw him again.
6: Still some fish left.
7: So it is written.
[From the Dead Tea Towels]
© 2006, Rev Bruce Ellis: brucee@chunder.com, Home.