The First Letter of Ross to the Kalgoorlians


Chapter 1.

1: Blessed be thee all.

2: It has been a long time since I have visited thee, and I was welcomed well. Was a difficult
journey as myself and an apostle could not get a flight or even a train. So we got a rent-a-car
and a speeding ticket.

3: The tortures of journey.

4: We didn't get busted by the Romans, yeah verily.

Chapter 2.

1: We brought gifts of herbs and spices, and they were much appreciated.

2: Something has to be done about the tin shacks you blessed guys live in, hotter than a cave off
Galilea. Nice and cool 2500 feet down (what is that in cubits?).

3: Of course we were blessed by the holy hole in the wall, yeah verily. A 70 tonne truck in total
darkness is not covered in the scriptures, though there are occurrences of "run away".

4: The 1300 feet sermon worked well. The rubble that was sinning needed to discover the
righteous ability of 13 sticks of Cordite, a very effective and rhetorical solution.

5: I could not be convinced that the dizziness and mild concussion was a sign.

6: It did not spoil my day at all.

7: So it is written.

Chapter 3.

1: In all sincerity the town is full of harlots and money changers. Jesus was only big on
a proportion of them. Just don't keep all your shekels in your pocket.

2: As the prophet Trevor said "Wow, Blessed are the Skimpies".

3: Back to business, as I wish to make thee all rich (and me). If I am granted just a small,
a small stone (before it gets exploded) I will simply transport it in my pants. It may be
a bit cold on the boys but I'll survive. Then I do the loaves and fishes thing with it and
we end up with a few ounces of gold and a few trucks travelling the gravel.

Chapter 4.

1: The visit was righteous and well appreciated.

2: Blessings to all miners (and harlots) involved.

3: Praise be.

[From the Dead Tea Towels]


© 2006, Rev Bruce Ellis: brucee@chunder.com, Home.